1. Emma Watson
Occupation: Inventor of feminism
Relevant Quote: “Chivalry should be consensual.”
Credibility Level: Hufflepuff
2. Tina Fey
Occupation: Relatable working mom
Relevant Quote: “People will say, ‘Oh, fashion magazines are so bad, they’re giving girls a negative message’ — but we’re also the fattest country in the world, so it’s not like we’re all looking at fashion magazines and not eating.”
Credibility Level: Ugh mom you are soooooo second-wave sometimes.
You’re so vain, you probably think Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” is about you. Well, guess what, Narcissus? It’s not, and neither are most other things in life.
If it’s not too much trouble, please stop gazing into that pond long enough to read this list. While not totally comprehensive, this is a good starting point on your journey to the realization that you are but one of many meaningless and indeterminate piles of carbon resulting from a wacky cosmic coincidence that occurred many millennia ago. Continue reading