Tag Archives: self-improvement

18 Things That Aren’t About You

You’re so vain, you probably think Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” is about you. Well, guess what, Narcissus? It’s not, and neither are most other things in life.

If it’s not too much trouble, please stop gazing into that pond long enough to read this list. While not totally comprehensive, this is a good starting point on your journey to the realization that you are but one of many meaningless and indeterminate piles of carbon resulting from a wacky cosmic coincidence that occurred many millennia ago. Continue reading

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I Can’t Believe You’re Still Doing These 298 Things Wrong

There’s no point in dancing around the issue here, so let’s be blunt: You screw up, and you screw up A LOT. In fact, it’s kind of amazing that you manage to survive on a daily basis. Seriously — can you do anything right?

Listen. I know your heart is in the right place, and I’m sure you mean well. But frankly, you’re about the biggest fucking failure I’ve ever met.

It’s hard to know where to even start with a list of your many missteps, but I came up with these 298 offenses right off the top of my head. Here’s the short list of what you’re doing wrong: Continue reading

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