I recently returned from a family vacation to the time zone at the other end of the country. While planning this lighthearted jaunt, my thought was, “Surely a four-hour flight with a one-year-old will be less painful than a three-day drive!”
While actually living through this journey into the bowels of human depravity and suffering, my constant thought was, “Which article of my clothing could most quickly be fashioned into a makeshift noose?” (Note to self: Next time, wear shoes with laces.)
I mean, it’s one thing to endure a long trip with an unhappy 12-month-old. It’s another thing altogether to know that you are forcing an entire crowd of innocent victims to endure a long trip with an unhappy 12-month-old. And it’s important to remember that a toddler’s inability to grasp the concept of “time change” is equaled only by his inability to give a single, solitary fuck about airplane etiquette.
So how do you fly cross-country with this kind of monster while still maintaining a scrap or two of dignity? It’s simple — all you have to do is follow the six easy steps below. Continue reading