Tag Archives: Illuminati

5 New Beyoncé Conspiracy Theories

In case you didn’t know, Beyoncé is amazingly beautiful and exceptionally talented and outlandishly famous. Beyoncé is a triple threat who can sing and dance and act. (Dreamgirls aside — if you haven’t seen Obsessed at least twice, you and I probably have nothing to talk about.) Beyoncé is married to Jay-Z, who is also outlandishly famous, and together they are very wealthy and successful and in love.

By all reasonable measures, there is no way in which Beyoncé has not attained excellence. The only possible negative that’s even tangentially related to Beyoncé is the difficulty one faces in trying to buy tickets to one of her shows, but this is just an unfortunate side effect of Beyoncé being one of the most sought-after women in the world.

So, you might say that Beyoncé’s chief flaw — the one she would have to cite as her “biggest weakness” if she were ever to interview for a job as shift manager at a Ruby Tuesday — would be, “There is not enough of Beyoncé to go around.”

(She could also say, “Beyoncé sometimes talks about herself in the third person,” but a valid argument could be made for this as an endearing personality quirk.) Continue reading

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