1. Emma Watson
Occupation: Inventor of feminism
Relevant Quote: “Chivalry should be consensual.”
Credibility Level: Hufflepuff
2. Tina Fey
Occupation: Relatable working mom
Relevant Quote: “People will say, ‘Oh, fashion magazines are so bad, they’re giving girls a negative message’ — but we’re also the fattest country in the world, so it’s not like we’re all looking at fashion magazines and not eating.”
Credibility Level: Ugh mom you are soooooo second-wave sometimes.
Beyoncé is a feminist! This we know, for Beyoncé tells us so.
It should really be this easy, but it’s not. Because instead of saying, “I’m a feminist” while wearing a pantsuit with shoulder pads and castrating a bull, Beyoncé said, “I’m a feminist” while wearing a sparkly leotard and — perhaps most unsettling of all — moving her body in such a way as to suggest that she’s had sex before. Talk about mixed messages!
Since there’s nothing else going on in the U.S. right now — not like we’re bombing Iraq again, or dealing with a rash of unjustifiable police homicides against black men — there is currently a great debate raging as to whether Beyoncé is really a feminist, and if so, whether she’s feminist enough, and if so, did you even notice she was gyrating?
I’m not saying we only have to talk about Serious Pressing Issues all the time, guys, because that’s Nancy Grace’s beat and she covers it very thoroughly. But since Beyoncé has told us she’s a feminist, maybe we should just assume she’s the kind of feminist who likes to dance, and not always wear pants, and sometimes even have sex? And that frees us up to discuss other matters that aren’t quite so clear-cut, such as: