And I mean every word of them.
Category Archives: Unpopular Opinions
I love Richard Sherman, and you probably either agree wholeheartedly or disagree violently. Like Hillary Clinton, Lena Dunham, and virtually any other woman who has ever expressed an opinion outside the confines of a well-hidden diary, Sherman is a polarizing figure.
It’s a given that if you’re a Seattle Seahawks fan, you kiss a picture of #25 before you go to bed every night. If you root for another team in the NFC West (or really, any other NFC team) — yeah, you’re probably less enthusiastic.
As for me, I’m a Bengals fan, and the only high-stakes game they’d ever play against the Seahawks would be the Super Bowl … which means I probably don’t have much to worry about. So, with no rivalry concerns, I’m free to appreciate Sherman for his incredible athleticism and skill, as well as the fact that he’s one of the few NFL superstars with a genuine, discernible, non-bland personality.
I’m not saying you have to like the guy, too. (This is America! Let’s celebrate our different opinions — even yours, which are objectively wrong!) But I do feel compelled to point out that, love him or hate him, Richard Sherman is better than you.
Trust me when I say the ways are myriad, but these five are a good jumping-off point for further reflection.
1. Your hands are terrible.
Seriously, it’s like you’re walking around with cinderblocks on the ends of your goddamn arms. You couldn’t even catch feelings if you were a kicky divorcée of semi-advanced age in a Nancy Meyers movie.
2. You have never once annoyed Tom Brady.
“U Mad Bro?” was my first introduction to Richard Sherman, and I immediately became a huge fan of his work. Listen — Tom Brady is a wealthy, attractive star quarterback with multiple Super Bowl rings and a Brazilian supermodel wife. As such, anyone who makes Tom Brady feel a negative emotion is an American hero. Continue reading
There are some people in this world who feel bad for polar bears. That’s fine. I occasionally catch myself feeling bad for Tim Tebow, so far be it from me to police anyone else’s sympathetic leanings.
But then there are some other people in this world who expect ME to feel bad about polar bears. They show me photos of polar bears floating away into the ocean on tiny, globally warmed, pencil-eraser-sized icebergs. They show me this photo as though it is a depiction of a kitten stuck in a tree, or an infant plopped carelessly atop the hood of a moving Camaro, or an indigenous culture crushed under the heel of the White Man’s boot. As though it were something to feel bad about it.
Listen: I don’t feel sorry for polar bears. Guess what? Tyrannosaurus Rex is fucking extinct, and I don’t feel sorry for him, either. So good luck getting me to shed any tears over a giant predator that’s feeling a little peckish.