19 Lies I’ve Told Myself

1.  Yeah, these pants still fit.

2.  Probably no one else can smell me right now.

3.  I’ll take care of that later.

4.  I’m smart enough to figure this out.

5.  Symmetrical eyebrows aren’t everything.

6.  Everyone is staring at me right now.

7.  I’m a cool mom.

8.  My Keanu Reeves impression is pretty good.

9.  It’s not too late to achieve my dreams.

10. I’m not that crazy.

11. Everything happens for a reason.

12. Kids love me.

13. I’m a good person.

14. My phone must be broken, or I’d have new messages right now.

15. LuAnn de Lesseps is a legitimate role model.

16. My vote matters.

17. I bet nobody even noticed.

18. But my son really is the cutest.

19. Beyoncé would definitely want to be my friend if we ever met.


Filed under My Stupid Life

7 responses to “19 Lies I’ve Told Myself

  1. Some these ring alarmingly true – I’ve been telling lie number 2 for at least a week to avoid spending money on new gym shoes…
    I’m going to keep telling myself lie number 9 though…

  2. Wait…this is my list of 19 Lies I’ve Told OTHER People! (<– not really). In all seriousness: Never believe anyone else (including yourself) for #2. 😀 Great list!

  3. BunKaryudo

    Yep, quite a lot of these are on my list of self-deceptive thoughts too (although symmetrical eyebrows are a shade more important to me since they’re the only part of my face I’m proud of).

    I haven’t seen your Keanu Reeves impersonation, but I’m guessing it is pretty good. Don’t you just have to sit in a corner and look sad?

  4. Reblogged this on coutterhill and commented:

  5. Hilarious! But number nine maybe isn’t a lie but rather necessary words of self-encouragement.

    And number three….soooooooo true…

  6. #14 Powering phone down and back on to make sure nothing’s wrong. Two hours and no texts!? I mean, um..I’ve never done this, but I heard it happens…

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