Monthly Archives: July 2015

7 Animals That Are Total Assholes

1. Geese. I see geese walking slowly across intersections all the time. Just meandering diagonally across a busy, multi-lane road at rush hour, like they’re out for a stroll in the goddamn country. Diagonally. And it’s never one goose; it’s always about twelve of them together. Like a flash mob, but for sauntering. Hey, assholes — USE YOUR WINGS.

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Filed under Flora & Fauna

19 Lies I’ve Told Myself

1.  Yeah, these pants still fit.

2.  Probably no one else can smell me right now.

3.  I’ll take care of that later.

4.  I’m smart enough to figure this out.

5.  Symmetrical eyebrows aren’t everything.

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Filed under My Stupid Life