I didn’t watch “True Detective” until about nine months after everybody else did, so I was completely left out of the national dialogue on that one. (IDK if anybody mentioned it, but that show has kind of a woman problem?) But with “The Jinx,” I’m probably only like two or three weeks behind the rest of the world, and I’m ready to join the conversation RIGHT NOW. Stop rolling your eyes at me, and let’s do this.
1. How creepy is it that Robert Durst kept calling her “Kathie Durst”? Not “my first wife” or “Kathie” or even “my ex-wife.” Always with the two names, very formally. If you ever hear my husband refer to me repeatedly by both my first and last names, please go ahead and assume he knows the exact location of my remains.
2. Did you know Andrew Jarecki is super-wealthy? The director of “The Jinx” was a cofounder of MovieFone, which was purchased by AOL (in 1999, prior to the collapse of the tech bubble) for $388 million in stock. Which brings us to my next question…
3. Can you imagine what it would be like to be sooooooo rich that you could dedicate years of your life to investigating and documenting and storyboarding the whereabouts and misdeeds of some other extra-wealthy dude? If I had that much money, I would be sporting, like, fox-fur underwear and puppy-ear scarves. And probably financing a “Making of ‘The Jinx'” documentary, because why the fuck not?
4. Are there actually adults out there in the world who are legitimately surprised that the timeline and events of “The Jinx” may have been massaged or altered to better fit the framework of the director’s narrative arc? No, really. If you’re over age 16 and you’re surprised or offended by this, or feel “manipulated” — RESET YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR LIFE. Or at least remind yourself of the differences between “movies” and “things that aren’t movies.” And, for extra credit, spend some time researching various job descriptions for police detectives, prosecutors, court reporters, and independently wealthy filmmakers. You may be genuinely shocked, for whatever reason, to discover loads of discrepancies.
5. When Durst said “California is a big state” and then literally wiped the smirk off his face, did you temporarily lose the ability to close your mouth? Just checking, because I did.
6. Have you ever heard of a stoner dismembering someone before? By all accounts, Bobby Durst likes to toke up. But the whole impulsive murder/abuse of a corpse thing seems more characteristic of a PCP/meth/bath salts habit, doesn’t it? I’ve known a lot of potheads in my life, guys — including me — and I’m pretty sure every one of them would describe Durst’s alleged crimes as TOTALLY UNCHILL BEHAVIOR. If he can smoke weed all his life and still manage not to be mellow…? Like, if that’s him after taking the edge off, I just… whew. Whew.