Have you ever watched a movie so terrible (Just Go With It) that it left you thinking, “Why can’t I have a career as a successful Hollywood screenwriter?” The good news is — you can! If you are a white guy who already has a number of high-powered connections in the movie industry, that is.
For the rest of us, I thought I’d share a few starter pitches to help get your creative juices flowing. Feel free to steal any of these as the basis for your soon-to-be-Black Listed spec script.
In return for sharing my billion-dollar ideas, all I ask is the “Film By” credit and a tearful thanks in your Oscar speech. (Don’t you DARE Chad Lowe me.) And don’t worry about me — I’ll just pull a few more nuggets of rom-com gold out of my ass if I really need to, you know?
Sperm Donor Surprise
Defiant old spinster Hattie Hathaway gets artificially inseminated on her 35th birthday — then finds out the donor was her mean old high school algebra teacher, George Carruthers. Talk about a word problem! Can this mismatched duo ever work out their differences?
Much Ado About Nathan
Like There’s Something About Mary, but with a dude named Nathan.
Adorkable recent college grad Debbie D’Opportunities edits a “Missed Connections” type column at her local newspaper, but could one of the lovelorn ads be directed towards her? (Set in an alternate sci-fi reality where people still have jobs at newspapers.)
Hoosier Mr. Right?
This one takes place in Indiana. (Other details TBD.)
Must Love Musk Ox
Like Must Love Dogs, but with a musk ox.
The Taming of the Rue
In this screwball comedy, an obsessed fan kidnaps outspoken talk-show host Rue Reynolds and traps her in his basement, but they eventually fall in love for real after she stops being such an uptight bitch about it.
Cash & Cash & Cari
Cari Cucksey of HGTV’s Cash & Cari falls in love with a guy named Cash. (This one writes itself.)
Eh, You’ll Do
The true story of how my friend met her husband.