12 Ways I’m Just Like a Horse

I don’t know why all of these VERY INTERESTING COINCIDENCES crystallized for me today in the form of this list. But I’ll tell you what — it feels very right and very cosmic. Sometimes the spirit just moves through you, and Seabiscuit is my spirit animal.

  1. I spook very easily.
  2. I fucking love oats. (LOVE. OATS.)
  3. I’m very wide across the haunches.
  4. I make comically exaggerated speaking motions with my lips when I have peanut butter on my gums.
  5. I was the subject of a 1970s stage play by Peter Shaffer.
  6. I have been ridden at high rates of speed by men of modest stature.
  7. I could theoretically eat so much food in a single sitting that my stomach might explode.
  8. If I ever break a leg, you might as well just shoot me, because I’ll be useless.
  9. (In my postmortem state, I will render into a very serviceable glue.)
  10. You would probably be dismayed to learn you had inadvertently consumed my flesh in an Ikea meatball.
  11. One look at my teeth, and you can definitely tell I’m in my 30s.
  12. I killed Catherine the Great.

1 Comment

Filed under My Stupid Life

One response to “12 Ways I’m Just Like a Horse

  1. Csagohan

    Can I write a post that is like yours?

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