The One Macklemore Controversy He DOESN’T Want You Talking About

I am over 30 and have a baby, and Macklemore is NOT the guy who sings the Super Why theme, so it took me a while to figure out who he is. After performing some very in-depth Googling over the course of several days, I have learned that Macklemore is the stage name of a white guy named Ben who raps. Macklemore has become somewhat of a controversial figure in the music world for a variety of reasons, such as:

  • He is a white guy named Ben who raps.
  • He is a white guy named Ben who rapped about how he’s definitely not gay but it’s cool if you are.
  • He is a white guy named Ben who won a Grammy for Best Rap Album.
  • He is a white guy named Ben who seemed to be soliciting public accolades for apologizing to Kendrick Lamar* about his Grammy for Best Rap Album.
  • He is a white guy named Ben who inadvertently costumed himself as a piece of Nazi propaganda during a recent surprise performance in Seattle.
  • He is a human person who says “hella” literally all the time, as every possible part of speech. (Does that shit fly in the Pacific Northwest? Because not around here, it doesn’t.)

After completing my extensive Macklemore research, I have come to the conclusion that these various offenses have been committed by our pale friend Ben only to distract us, the foolishly naive public, into overlooking the REAL controversy:

MACKLEMORE IS A GINGER.

Consider these six compelling pieces of evidence:

1. Billboard described him as having a “pale, freckly complexion with ginger-colored hair.” Hmm… what kind of people are usually pale and freckly with ginger-colored hair? Is it non-gingers? No, that doesn’t sound right. Un-redheads? Nah, still seems off. OH WAIT I KNOW — IT’S REDHEADED GINGERS.

2. He made Hollyscoop’s list of Hottest Ginger Men in Hollywood. As the name suggests, this is not a list of people who aren’t carrot tops.

3. MTV reports that Macklemore brought “ginger heat” to the 2013 VMAs. This assertion does not appear to be in reference to any culinary contributions.

4. He is on Stereotude’s list of Ginger Rockers: Musicians with Red Hair. THREAT LEVEL: FIRECROTCH.

5. He does not have a soul. Couldn’t find a link for this, but also couldn’t find a link against it. Draw your own conclusions.

6. Even Facebook knows it’s true. Check out the “Like” on Carrie’s answer. How much more evidence do you need???

Macklemore is a ginger.

Carrie: Knows how to use her damn eyes.

So what does the ginger himself have to say about it?

Appearing on Chelsea Lately in August 2013, Macklemore said an exaggerated “Thank you” when host Chelsea Handler observed that he was more of a “strawberry blonde” than a redhead. He then asserted that he has “no ginger pride,” because — again — he is not a redhead, but simply “strawberry blonde.”

I hope when Macklemore took the SATs, he did not encounter a question like this, because he surely would have gotten it wrong:

Quality pre-owned vehicle : used car :: strawberry blonde : _______

A. Koosh ball
B. Cable ACE award
C. Kate & Allie
D. PALE-ASS REDHEAD

On Twitter, Benjamin has engaged in similarly self-delusional anti-ginger rhetoric:

Oh, well … OK. Let’s unpack this carefully:

“Sandy blonde/brown with an occasional strawberry g [sic] flash in certain sunlight. But, I have a red beard.” = DUDE, YOU ARE A FUCKING GINGER.

Macklemore/Ben’s ongoing and vehement denials of his true ginger identity should be disturbing for his fans. What kind of message is this man — this brave crusader for social justice — giving to his redheaded fans? “It’s OK to be gay, AS LONG AS YOU ARE NOT ALSO A REDHEAD, BECAUSE EWWWWWW GROSS”? Macklemore needs to acknowledge that he is a ginger or risk losing all of the hard-won street cred he may or may not have earned**.

The ball’s in your court, Ben. Are you ready to accept your ginger orientation***? Or will you allow this vanilla-hued hip-hop-hypocrisy continue?

 

*also not the guy who sings the Super Why theme song
**I did not turn up any hard-and-fast cred in my research, but it may be out there
***Not that there’s anything wrong with that

2 Comments

Filed under Pop Culture

2 responses to “The One Macklemore Controversy He DOESN’T Want You Talking About

  1. Nothing worse than a ginger denying his gingertude.

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